What is Co-regulation?
by Anna DeHondt
OTR/L, Lead OT
Co-regulation refers to the nurturing and supportive interactions that occur between two people allowing each person to feel safe, secure, and regulated. Self-regulation refers to the ability of an individual to regulate their emotions and behaviors to match the situation. Co-regulation is foundational for the development of a child’s self-regulation skills.
Examples of co-regulation include:
giving someone a hug when they are upset
actively listening to someone when they are anxious
providing a calming presence when someone is emotionally heightened
It can also include enjoying a sensory experience with another person such as:
jumping together on a trampoline
playing in a sensory bin
going for a walk
enjoying the flavors of a favorite meal together
Co-regulation is important in all relationships including friendships, partnerships, and caregiver/child relationships.
Affect and Co-regulation
We are all impacted by the “affect” of the people around us. Affect is the sincere, outward messaging of one’s emotions including facial expressions, gestures, tone of voice, or body language. Perhaps the person working at the grocery store gives you a warm welcome and smile as you walk in making you feel safe and comfortable. Providing a calming affect when interacting with a child who is heightened and upset can support co-regulation. Using an excited affect when your child accomplishes something special can make them feel seen and celebrated. Speech and occupational therapists can assist you in identifying approaches to co-regulate with your child using affect.
Sensory and Co-regulation
As an occupational therapist, I like to remind parents and caregivers that they are sensory beings with their own unique sensory quirks, needs, and differences. Understanding your own sensory profile is essential for creating authentic and effective co-regulation skills. For example, if your child benefits from vestibular input (movement) and you benefit from proprioceptive input (deep pressure) then a great co-regulation activity could be pushing your child on the swing or pulling them in a wagon. Together, you can meet your sensory needs and create an opportunity for shared joy and connection!
Sometimes sensory preferences do not match perfectly. Perhaps your co-worker is continuously clicking their pen to regulate themselves but the sound is especially agitating to you. By understanding co-regulation and how it impacts us, adjustments can be made to improve our interactions with others. Meeting with an occupational therapist can help you determine the sensory needs of your child, as well as your own sensory needs, and provide you with ideas to strengthen co-regulation.